Author John Scalzi was on a roll this morning (currently 7:14 AM, 26 Sept. 2014) with a tweet he found from some guy sending out an “ultimatum” to women to “make a choice” between feminism and, well, men like him. So Scalzi launched into a truly magnificent set of scorchers, which I’m posting here for the delectation of people everywhere.
Also: I would like to thank that guy for setting the ultimatum. It makes finding a boyfriend so much easier when the undesirable ones wear a placard identifying themselves.
John Mulaney | The Salt & Pepper Diner
THE BEST JOKE IN EXISTENCE
GOD I JUST TOLD SOMEONE ABOUT THIS STORY
This is one of the best pieces of comedy that I have ever had the pleasure of witnessing. I love this. I have been looking for this online for awhile.
This is my favorite story ever and I will reblog it every time I see it.
I’d say that I want to go to Steve’s Diner and do this, but they space out the jukebox selections with randomized ones… probably to avoid just this.
U know how in winter it gets so cold and u think u will never be hot again and in summer it gets so hot u think u will never be cold again I think that is how it is with ur feelings like when u r sad u think u will never be happy and when u r happy u think u will never be sad. But u will be hot again and u will be cold again and u will be sad again but most of all u will be happy again
Well shit I think I need to write this down somewhere
Girls pose by a jail that recalls the witch trials of 1692 in Salem, Massachusetts. Photo taken in 1945.
I recently learned that the water in Salem was contaminated with the fungus from which LSD is derived and a legitimate theory for the whole thing is that everyone in the town was tripping balls
This might be the greatest thing ive ever seen on the internet
We did a whole massive thing on this in history. I believe the fungus in question is called Ergot and it’s terrifying. It makes your muscles spasm so when they had seizures that was the reason, not because they were possessed. One woman had to be strapped to her bed, she was seizing so bad. And, like ‘theybuildbuildings’ said, it had the same effects as LSD; as soon as you touch it, let alone consume it, it messes with your entire system. The worst thing is, you practically always had a bad trip. Many complained about bugs crawling under their skin or monsters emerging from the shadows to scratch and bite at them until they were screaming. It was a horrendous thing and the worst part is, Ergot is still around. It grows on crops and, if your wheat isn’t properly treated, it can be eaten and you’ll most likely experience the same as the women of Salem.
god i love history
This is hella cool and almost correct…
The effects on the people of Salem were probably from consuming bread with the fungus in it, not from contaminated water. And apparently rye is way more commonly affected than wheat. In fact, often the members of the clergy were able to afford nicer bread made from wheat and thus were not as commonly affected.
You don’t go on a spasm-y trip just by touching it. You have to consume it for weeks, which results in chronic poisoning. ( If you stop eating it early enough, you may recover. So when people suffering from these “demonic possessions” took refuge in churches and stopped eating low-grade rye bread they were sometimes miraculously healed.
More interesting facts:
Ergot poisoning can result in convulsions & hallucinations, or it can cause gangrene, depending on which group of active alkaloids are present. (Horrifying, either way.) It killed a lot of people in Europe in the Middle Ages.
In Europe, often there was a strong correlation between wet summers (which provide ideal conditions for ergot) and reports of witchcraft/ possession. And in Norway and Scotland, records of witch persecution are only found in areas where rye was grown and used to make bread.
And I just learned right now that one author dude translated the word “Beowulf” as “barley-wolf” which could indicate a connection to ergot. The LSD-like effects could be a valid explanation for stories of Old Norse warriors going into the a sort of trancelike battle rage.
(this is exactly the kind of stuff my
herbologymedicinal plants class is about, it’s so cool omfg. we had a lecture on ergot last week.)
Behind the Scenes of “All About That Bass” +
How are skinny girls supposed to feel love when your song is about loving only fat bodies?
I’m sorry, but how are fat girls supposed to feel when every advertisement, be it on television or in a magazine, when nearly every movie, shows only thin women? I am completely against body shaming, but the fact remains that there is very little positive representation for bigger girls. Thin women are considered the norm and are far more accepted and you see them everywhere you look in the media. So please, don’t take this the wrong way, but please just let me have a song that makes me, for once, feel good about my body.
ive also noticed that people always focus on one particular line of this song which apparently makes it “skinny shaming”
but nobody ever acknowledges the following lines?
the main theme of the song is giving love to larger women because larger women are so commonly shamed for their bodies, ignored by the media and generally given less love and acceptance than thinner women, but the song in its entirety is a message that all women are beautiful. People are failing to acknowledge that
This song. Sigh.
It’s catchy, and I love most of it. I’m not a big fan of the “skinny bitches” line, but I understand the point above and she does say she’s joking. Well, fine.
What I have a REAL problem with is, “My mama she told me don’t worry about your size/She says boys like a little more booty to hold at night”.
Not only is that really heteronormative, it’s a huge slap in the face to feminism and it’s actually a regression in body positivity. It carries the message that women’s bodies are made to please men, so they’re good ONLY AS LONG AS MEN LIKE THEM.
Stop it, Meghan Trainor. Stop it, everyone. It’s not that hard to write a body positive song without resorting to that. Here, see, I’ll fix it for you:
Yeah my mama she told me don’t worry about your size!
She said long as you love yourself baby you’ll do all right!
HOW HARD WAS THAT
one time when i was younger i had some of that no tears shampoo and i wanted to see if it was legit so when i was in the shower i squirted it into my eye and i think i went blind for like three days
i think you may be a bit retarded because no tears meant like no tears in your hair; no tangles….
Please tell me I’m not the only one who thought no tears as in crying too
MY LIFE IS A LIE
No… nooo… NOOOOO. The commercials specifically advertise “no tears” as in no crying, picturing a child with shampoo in their eyes wiping it away with a grin. DO YOUR RESEARCH
Jesus Tumblr is agitating me over the smallest things
ads for pads these days are all about how thin and discreet pads are and how no one will ever be tell you’re wearing them wELL HOW ABOUT YOU MAKE THE PACKAGING QUIETER BECAUSE THERE’S NO FUCKING POINT IN HAVING A THIN DISCREET PAD WHEN EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU RIPPING ONE OPEN IN THE SCHOOL BATHROOM
Use the men’s room they won’t expect it
'Who the fuck is eating chips in here?'
Or how about get the fuck over it? Most people who have a uterus and a vagina get periods. Why is this a state fucking secret?
See also: EVERYBODY POOPS, STOP BEING ASHAMED OF DOING IT IN A PUBLIC BATHROOM
Every time I see this I think to myself “You defaced a book? Hell no I’m not marrying you.”
Yeah, I feel that way too. Glad I’m not the only one. Though I really like those flowers I’ve seen made from books. I’m torn over those…
He could have gotten a blank box for a couple of dollars, photocopied the first page of the chapter, pasted it to the inside of the box, made the box look just like the book; without defacing the book.
#PRINTED BOOKS ARE NOT SACRED #THERE ARE MILLIONS OF THEM #I HAVE A LOT OF FEELS #ABOUT HOW PEOPLE WORSHIP THE PHYSICAL FORM OF BOOKS #AND NOT THE WORDS INSIDE #THE WORDS ARE THE IMPORTANT BIT #AND USING A BOOK FOR SOMETHING SWEET LIKE THIS ISN’T DEFACEMENT OF PROPERTY IF THE PERSON OWNS THE BOOK. BOOKS ARE UBIQUITOUS #AND HAVING WORKED IN A USED BOOKSTORE A LOT OF THEM GET TRASHED #AND NOT JUST CRAPPY BOOKS #GOOD ONES LIKE THIS ONE #I WOULD RATHER SOMEONE USE THIS FOR SOMETHING MEMORABLE LIKE THIS THAN GET TRASHED #DON’T JUDGE PEOPLE WHO TRY TO MAKE PRETTY THINGS WITH BOOKS #BOOKS CAN BE REPLACED AND ARE NOT INHERENTLY SACRED (via andrastesgrace)
Jesus, yes. Unless it’s a signed edition, or a first edition, or a super rare book, LET IT GO. Books are great but in the end they are just things. Like the previous poster said, it’s the content that’s important.
omfg straight boys complaining about high waisted shorts and crop tops… have you SEEN a girl in high waisted shorts and crop tops?????? have u seen girls’ LEGS in high waisted shorts!???? have u seen a little peek of tummy in a crop top???????? what is WRONG WITH YOU
i think straight boys might be gay
of course they are, stick a drywipe marker pen within 5 yards of them see how long it takes them to draw a dick on something
Okay this is what I am saying (not the dicks thing the high waisted shorts and crop top thing)
LEGS FOR DAYS
Vous vs. Tu, French “you”.
Chart from the LA Times.
Ehh….. mostly accurate. Some people use “vous” for God/Jesus/Mary etc. Even if your teacher is younger than you, I’d still recommend “vous” at first. (Most of the younger ones will then tell you to use “tu”.)
I have no idea what the hell the 1968 free love thing is, or what Woodstock has to do with anything.